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If you keep going from one violent or abusive relationship to another then you should examine why, how, and when it happens. This should be a useful start when seeking further help, advice and, perhaps, counselling. Violence and abuse can happen in many different ways and settings.
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Violence is not always physical, but can also be emotional, mental, verbal and sexual. Violence or abuse can be considered as an intrusion into your life that does not involve your consent or agreement. It is a very personal thing, and what one person feels is abusive another person might not. If it feels abusive to you, try and do something about it. If you feel unable to confront the abusive person — seek advice and help as a matter of urgency. You might be able to get someone to help or act on your behalf. If you are in a abusive relationship you may:. If you are on the receiving end of violence it is important to get out as soon as possible and get help.
It is also important that you do not feel embarrassed about your reactions after the event — you have been through a traumatic and stressful situation. You do not deserve to be on the receiving end of any form of violence or abuse. The abuse or violence only gets worse and can lead to permanent damage or death. If you are being abusive or violent towards you partner — there is something you can do to stop. There are a number of groups and organisations that will work with you to help you understand why you are doing this and how to stop.
They are there to help you… not to judge you. Assertiveness should be about feeling, understanding and believing that you matter in your friendships, relationships, at work and at play. For some gay men claiming the same rights as everyone else can be hard. Despite these improvements, a background of discrimination might make you feel you have no rights at all — even within our own community.
This is the part of what assertiveness is about. Would you like to:.
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This is what being assertive can achieve. Being passive will not help us get what we want either.
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This builds up anger and frustration inside us until finally we blow up over a tiny thing. We often feel bad after this outburst and revert to being passive again. Being assertive can help you break out of this circle of passive to aggressive behaviour. Being assertive can use up a lot of energy. Go slow.
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Take it easy and choose your moment. The decision is yours.
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There are no magic words or set phrases for being assertive. However, there are several vital ingredients in becoming more assertive:. What about…. Try writing down real situations where you would like to be more assertive. Build up to more difficult situations that you encounter or are avoiding. Then, working through the five points listed above, note down possible assertive approaches to these problems and, if you need to initiate the conversation, start from point 3.
Practise saying them in your head before you try it out for real.