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The Police will go through everything with you and the set up and working of the court will be fully explained to you before you need to attend. As with any abuse the feelings you have inside you will often seem overwhelming and it may help in your own time to try and let those feelings out rather than turn them inward which many do which can invariably lead to damaging yourself. Many victims choose not to fight back because if they did the chances are they would be hurt even more — you did what you had to do in order to survive.

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Some victims feel dirty and ashamed. Try and separate the action of the rape from you as a person — what the abuser did made you feel dirty and ashamed — that does NOT make you a dirty person, or a bad person. It is perfectly normal for victims to lose confidence in themselves and may find it hard to go out and hard to trust people. Do everything you can to make yourself feel safe when you go out as safety will be an issue very much in the front of your mind so it may help to go out with someone, to have a mobile with you, to have a panic alarm, and even to learn self defence.

All these things may help you to feel more confident in going out again. I have heard many female victims of rape say that all men are bad — this is so sad. Most men are not rapists and most men would be just as disgusted as you or I at the very idea of rape or sexual assault. By not trusting people you may be protecting yourself from hurt but setting yourself up for loneliness, the inability to have fulfilling relationships and cutting yourself off from love and caring.

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Resuming a sexual relationship with your partner may lead you to have flashbacks and panic. Some victims find the opposite that they may want to feel the closeness and safety of being with their partner. Everyone reacts differently and you have to go along with what feels right for you. After rape some people find that they have sex with multiple partners maybe because the act of sex has been devalued for them and has no meaning.

Partners can often feel very helpless and it is important that they too get support and have someone to talk to. Try and talk to your partner about what will help you to get through this, do you want to be hugged or not, do you just want to be held, do you not want any sexual relationship at the moment or if you are being intimate and you get a flashback how can your partner help you, do you prefer having the light on — try and explain if you can what he or she can do to help you and support you. Rape is about having your choices taken away.

Being intimate with your partner is something you can choose to do or choose not to do.

You may find that some positions may now seem frightening to you and you may feel you want to use positions where you feel more in control over what is happening. If you are with someone who cares about you, loves you, respects you, that is entirely different from a man who is abusing you, who has no care or respect for you. An intimate relationship with someone you care for and someone who cares for you is entirely different from forced sex.

Abusive sex is someone hurting you, having power and control over you, consensual sex is someone you choose to be intimate with, someone you are caring for and someone caring for you. Be patient with yourself, time is a great healer and it may take time before you are able to be touched in a sexual way. Some find that massage can be a good way of having safe touch and rebuilding trust in a partner and only take things further when YOU feel ready, YOU need to be in control of your choices and decisions.

If you find that you need help with this aspect of your relationship there are psychosexual counsellors who can work with you and also with your partner. Do not allow your abuser to destroy the enjoyment of a fulfilling healthy sex life, do not give your abuser that power and control over your life. It is possible to have a fulfilling, enjoyable and happy sex life after rape. Flashbacks and memories of the abuse can be common and it is the memories coming up which can no longer be repressed. It is important to keep reminding yourself that these are only memories, that now you are safe and in control and nobody is hurting you now.

If you have a flashback try and ground yourself by clapping your hands, stamping your feet, looking around your familiar surroundings, listening to familiar sounds, reminding yourself that you are in the present, you are safe, you are no longer in that dangerous controlling situation. Some people have images of the abuser come into their mind which can be very disturbing.

Imagine you have a zapper in your hand, you point it at the abuser, and imagine him getting smaller and smaller shrinking in size until he is the size of a pathetic little ant crawling on the floor, imagine yourself getting bigger and bigger until you are the size of a giant towering over this pathetic little ant crawling on the floor, imagine with your shoe stepping on this ant and grinding it into the ground. You are the one in control, the abuser is no longer hurting you, he is pathetic, you have nothing to fear.

Keep practising this technique as it can help you to regain a sense of control and lessen the fear involved with thinking about the abuser. Some people may have nightmares and if this is happening to you, have something by your bed which will help to comfort you, a cuddly toy, a picture of somewhere relaxing you like to go, a photo of a loved one, it may help to have a night light on, and keep reminding yourself you are safe.

Patience — Be patient with yourself.

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Physical health — It is important to look after your physical health because you will need all your strength to deal with the emotional stress. You may not feel like eating but try your best to eat something little and often if you can as going without food will make you feel weaker and tired. Talking — One way of getting feelings out is talking about how you feel — this could be with a family member, a friend, a Helpline, a counsellor, in a support group — whatever you feel comfortable with. Some find it helps to talk to others who have been through rape and or sexual assault and this can be done also online through support forums if unable to access a support group.

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Writing — Some people find it therapeutic to write down how they feel — this is a way of getting down onto paper your feelings rather than keep them inside you. Poetry — Some find that poetry can be a good way of letting out how you really feel and many victims find this particularly therapeutic. Punching Pillows, Cushions — This can be a good way of getting out anger and frustration — a safe way which does not hurt you or anyone else.

Self Defence — This can be helpful in getting out anger in a safe way, and also can make people feel safer and more confident. Exercise, walking, drama, painting, drawing — Again these are all good ways of expressing feelings. Work — Some may find that going back to work actually helps the person to cope and gives them something else to focus on other than the rape, for others they may find that they need some time off from work, and again, you need to do what is right for you. You need to be in control of your healing, your choices and decisions.

People can and do heal from the trauma of rape.

Yes the memories may always be there but it does NOT have to affect your every day life. You have choices and you can choose to move forward with your life and choose not to let if affect your every waking moment. You can choose to make that step from victim to survivor — to moving forward with your life. If you are reading this and have been a victim of rape or sexual assault and are destroying yourself please stop and think about what you are doing. YOU have NOT done anything wrong and you need to let go of those negative beliefs, you have every right to be happy and to lead a fulfilling and happy life.

To destroy yourself is such a negative thing to do and there is help out there and there are people who will support you. You owe it to yourself to give yourself that chance. You once had your choices taken away but NOW you do have choices you can make, you are not now powerless, you do have control over your own life and you can choose what to do with your life. Negative thinking will drag you down — positive thinking will give you the chance to heal and move forward with your life.

Yes it can be hard to be positive in the face of trauma and pain but try every time you think something negative to counteract it with something positive. To get through rape and sexual assault makes you a strong person but use that strength in a positive way and not a negative way.

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Consent means agreeing to do something. When it comes to sex, this means agreeing to have sex or engage in sexual activity. Sex or sexual activity can include sexual touching, oral, anal and vaginal sex with a penis or with any other type of object. If someone does not give consent or feels pressured, scared or is drunk or high, and a person still engages in sex or a sexual activity with them, this is sexual assault or rape.

Any sort of sexual activity without consent is illegal whatever the age of the people involved and whatever their relationship. If someone forces you to do something you do not want to do of a sexual nature, it is never your fault and it is not OK. If this has happened to you, you should report it or speak to someone you trust to get help and support. You may be aware of coverage and discussions about consent in the media.

You may even have learned about it in relationships and sex education. But why it is important? Well, while consent is something we need to be aware of throughout our lives, there is evidence that young people are more likely to experience sex against their will. This means that women and girls are much more likely to be faced with a situation where they have felt pressured or forced to have sex.

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The average age that someone most recently experienced sex that was non-consensual sex was:. This means that if someone has been in a situation where they have felt pressured or forced to have sex, it has been as a young person. The Sexual Offences Act for England and Wales says that a person consents to something if that person:.

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The legal age for children and young people to consent to sex is 16 regardless of sexual orientation. However, young people are unlikely to be prosecuted for mutually agreed sexual activity where there is no evidence of exploitation.